


Dai Henshin

by edenoi



Category: Kamen Rider - All Media Types, Kamen Rider Ex-Aid, Kamen Rider Gaim
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Chatting & Messaging, Gaim is a magical girl show, Transgender
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-20
Updated: 2021-02-27
Packaged: 2021-03-06 21:07:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 19
Words: 12,479
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26005432
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/edenoi/pseuds/edenoi
Summary: Emu is a pre-med student who starts questioning his gender when he meets Asuna through online gaming
Relationships: Houjou Emu & Poppy Pipopapo, Houjou Emu/Kujou Kiriya, Poppy Pipopapo/Saiba Nico
Comments: 57
Kudos: 19





	1. Maximum Gamer

**xXsNiPeXx:** lol owned

 **MightyActionM:** stop camping dickmouth

 **xXsNiPeXx:** guess u have 2 change ur name to f

 **MightyActionM:** weird, your mom always calls me o

 **xXsNiPeXx:** yeah she says omg cant believ how gay u r

 **MightyActionM:** suck my dick

It went on like that for the rest of the match, trading insults back and forth. Emu didn’t think either of them meant any of it, but that’s just how it is in Bang Bang Shooting. You have to get your head in the game. Psych out your opponents. Be an alpha male or whatever. It’s like, part of the game.

When the match ended, Emu shut down his Genm Cube and laid back on his bed. Playing BBS with Snipe was always kind of exhausting. The game was fun and all, but the whole tough guy act took a lot out of him. He sometimes wished they could just focus on the game and not worry about one-upping each other in the chat.

After lying there for a bit, he decided to decompress with some Mighty Action X. He’d already beaten it like a hundred times, but it was still nice to relax with his favorite game. Just him and a little spiky-head boy jumping on stuff. Simple.

He started up the game and eyed the online mode. He never actually used it because who even cares, but today he was feeling a little curious. What was the community like for a game like this? He loaded up the two player versus minigame, which was a hide and seek thing that didn’t really have anything to do with the rest of the game. The lobby matched him with somebody called PiPoPaPo.

**PiPoPaPo:** hey :)

 **PiPoPaPo:** pretty cool name!

 **MightyActionM:** thanks

 **MightyActionM:** yours is

 **MightyActionM:** creative

 **PiPoPaPo:** lol i know it’s just a bunch of sounds i liked ^-^

 **PiPoPaPo:** you can call me poppy

 **MightyActionM:** ok, hi poppy

Emu found himself coming out of his shell a bit as the conversation went on. The words flowed more easily than they did with Snipe. Poppy was really nice, and she was a big Mighty fan. They talked about the game for a while, then moved onto TV shows they were watching and music they were listening to. Emu and Poppy didn’t share all that many interests outside of video games, but her enthusiasm was contagious. The versus mode turned out to be kind of fun, too.

**MightyActionM:** it was nice talking to you poppy

 **PiPoPaPo:** totally!

 **PiPoPaPo:** you should add me on paradox :D

 **MightyActionM:** i will soon

 **MightyActionM:** gg

After Emu shut down the console once again, he opened up Paradox on his computer and found Poppy. Her icon was a photo of a young woman dressed as a character from Taddle Quest.

**MightyActionM:** is that you?

 **MightyActionM:** in your pfp

 **PiPoPaPo:** yeah!

 **PiPoPaPo:** i like to cosplay

 **PiPoPaPo:** oooh you should check out my fairy kei stuff

She posted a few pictures of herself in frilly pink outfits and colored wigs.

**MightyActionM:** cute <3

 **PiPoPaPo:** aw thanks

 **MightyActionM:** i like to wear colorful clothes too

 **MightyActionM:** well not exactly like that

 **MightyActionM:** i wouldn’t wear something like that

 **PiPoPaPo:** you should try it! It’s fun :)

 **MightyActionM:** no no i can’t do that

 **PoPiPaPo:** you’re no fun -.-

 **PoPiPaPo:** jk it’s fine

Did he want to? No, of course not. Maybe if he was a girl he could wear cute clothes like

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**PiPoPaPo:** m? you still there?

 **MightyActionM:** oh yeah sorry, just spaced out a little

 **PiPoPaPo:** i know that feeling ^-^

 **MightyActionM:** i think i’m gonna head to bed actually

 **MightyActionM:** ttyl

 **PiPoPaPo:** good night!

Emu laid in bed staring up at the ceiling. Hiiro, his roommate, had already been asleep since like eight because he was secretly sixty years old. It was really cool meeting somebody Emu could just be himself around. She was cute, too. He wasn’t like, into her or anything. It was just neat. It must be nice expressing herself like that. He wondered if the clothes were comfortable.

His thoughts lost coherence as he slowly drifted off to sleep.


	2. Egg IRL

“Houjou, wake up!”

Emu jolted awake to find Hiiro leaning over him.

“What…”

“Class is in half an hour. Put your clothes on. There’s a muffin on the table.”

Emu groaned. Rooming with Hiiro was like going to college with his dad.

“It takes… five minutes…”

“I told you to stop staying up all night. Your body needs rest to operate at maximum efficiency. If you paid attention in class, you would know that.”

Emu wanted to close his eyes and show Hiiro just how much he knew about sleep, but instead he dragged himself out of bed and over to the laundry hamper sitting in the corner of the room. Hiiro kept telling him to put his clothes away but he was just going to take them out again so what was the point?

He pulled out of a pair of red jeans and a yellow shirt with some glitchy effects on it. He thought about Poppy’s outfits with the poofy skirts and long socks. Emu’s graphic tees seemed kind of lame in comparison. He clumsily got dressed, grabbed his bag and the muffin and headed out the door behind Hiiro.

* * *

Emu had completely lost track of the elaborate metaphor Professor Hongo was using to explain organic chemistry. It was definitely something about resonance, Emu had that word in his notes. It was the only word on the page, but it was A Note.

He opened Paradox on his laptop and looked at the pictures Poppy sent him. He went through all the pieces of each outfit in his head. He imagined being Poppy, feeling the material on his skin. Looking in the mirror and seeing this.

”This isn’t anatomy,” Hiiro whispered. “Pay attention.”

Anatomy? Oh! Oh, no. Emu blushed and switched back to his notes.

* * *

Emu didn't have Hiiro in his genetics class, which meant he wasn’t being scolded every five minutes, but it also meant he couldn’t look at Hiiro’s notes later. Fortunately, Professor Hoshino was pretty straightforward, so it was a little easier to follow along.

While Emu was trying to remember the difference between an allele and a gene, his mind drifted back to Poppy. He imagined her going about her day. She probably wouldn’t wear her fancy skirts to class. It would be cool, though, just going everywhere like that.

He forced himself to look at Professor Hoshino, who had walked over to the other side of the classroom when he wasn’t paying attention. He really needed to know this stuff, and obsessing over somebody he met online was really weird anyway. He repeated _“genes genes genes genes”_ over and over in his head to try to drown out his thoughts.

* * *

The textbook sat open on the table. Chapter 9. Cellular Respiration. Emu’s eyes roamed across the page without absorbing anything. He had read the first sentence about fifteen times.

He pulled out his Genm DX and started up Bakusou Bike. Hiiro glared at him over his cake but didn’t say anything.

The two of them sat in the corner of Cafe Renaissance, which they visited frequently because Hiiro insisted they replenish their energy with snacks throughout the day. Emu didn’t understand why he didn’t just keep granola bars in his bag or something.

During Emu’s third race, he heard the Paradox notification sound from his phone. He dropped the handheld console and pulled out his phone a little too eagerly.

  
  


**PiPoPaPo:** you around?

**MightyActionM:** yeah, just chilling

**MightyActionM:** almost doing homework

**PiPoPaPo:** lol

**PiPoPaPo:** i pinged you becaaaauuuse.....

**PiPoPaPo:** i just finished editing the pics from a new shoot!

**MightyActionM:** oh wow, cool

**MightyActionM:** how often do you do those?

**PiPoPaPo:** just whenever hehe

**PiPoPaPo:** check it out!

  
  


A picture appeared on the screen. Poppy was dressed in a yellow and green outfit with music notes on it. Emu recognized it from DoReMiFa Beat. She was posing in a courtyard in front of a statue. Emu recognized that, too. It was the founder of Jounan University. His school.

“Poppy’s here?!”


	3. I Wanna Reach Out

“Why are you shouting about poppies? Be quiet in the cafe.”

Oops.

"Uh… Poppy is somebody I met playing games."

"And this Poppy is… here?" Hiiro glanced around the cafe.

Emu wasn't sure he wanted to explain the situation to Hiiro, but maybe telling someone about it would help him sort out what to do.

"She sent me this picture." He showed Hiiro his phone.

"This is Jounan University."

"Yeah…" Was he really going to ask Hiiro for advice? About talking? To a human? "I'm not sure if I should tell her I recognized it or not."

Hiiro took a bite of cake and closed his eyes as he chewed it.

"Tell her the truth. Ambiguity is a waste of time."

"I don't want her to think I'm creepy."

"Then stop stalking her."

"Ugh." Emu laid his head on the table. He hoped he wasn't creepy.

  
  


* * *

  
  


Emu glanced at the Paradox tab as he typed up his psychology homework. He had sent Poppy a quick message saying he had to go and that was the last they had talked so far.

Was he being creepy? He had been thinking about her a lot. He wasn't sure why he was so interested in Poppy's cosplay. It felt like magnetism. Like static electricity.

Was he jealous of Poppy? He supposed so, but jealous of what? Her confidence? Maybe. She seemed a lot more self-assured than he felt. He was always just kind of stumbling around. Could he ever be like Poppy?

He wished they covered this in psych class.

* * *

  
  


**xXsNiPeXx:** no scope

 **xXsNiPeXx:** eat my ass

 **MightyActionM:** nice one

 **xXsNiPeXx:** lol that all u got

  
  


Emu was having a hard time keeping up with Snipe. He was just going through the motions playing the game, and he had no energy for his usual macho persona.

  
  


**xXsNiPeXx:** dude

 **xXsNiPeXx:** u there

 **MightyActionM:** i'm actually gonna head out

 **xXsNiPeXx:** lame

  
  


He logged off without reading Snipe's last comment. He closed Bang Bang Shooting and sat on the menu for a bit, staring at the screen. He had this empty feeling, like he had a craving for something he couldn't find.

He decided to check if anyone else was online, and saw that Poppy was playing Shakariki Sports. Emu instantly perked up. He started up his copy of the game and sent Poppy an invitation to join him online.

  
  


**PiPoPaPo:** hi m!

 **MightyActionM:** hey poppy

 **MightyActionM:** how are you doing?

 **PiPoPaPo:** i have a lot of homework tonight -.-

 **MightyActionM:** what are you studying?

 **PiPoPaPo:** nursing

 **MightyActionM:** oh really? i'm studying to be a doctor

 **PiPoPaPo:** that's cool

  
  


The conversation trailed off after that. They raced a few times without saying anything. Eventually, Emu decided he had to just spit it out.

  
  


**MightyActionM:** um actually

 **MightyActionM:** i think i recognized something from that last picture you sent me

 **MightyActionM:** did you take it at jounan?

 **PiPoPaPo:** you know it?

 **MightyActionM:** i go there

Emu held his breath and braced himself for Poppy's reaction.

**PiPoPaPo:** omg!

 **PiPoPaPo:** so do i!

 **PiPoPaPo:** we have to hang out

 **MightyActionM:** really?

  
  


There was a pause before Poppy responded.

  
  


**PiPoPaPo:** you don't have to if you don't want to

 **MightyActionM:** no no that's not what i meant

 **MightyActionM:** i guess i was just being dumb

 **MightyActionM:** i would love to hang out

 **PiPoPaPo:** great!

 **MightyActionM:** do you know cafe renasance?

 **MightyActionM:** rennassance

 **MightyActionM:** whatever

 **PiPoPaPo:** lol

 **PiPoPaPo:** i've seen it

 **MightyActionM:** my roommate and i are there a lot if you want to drop by sometime

 **PiPoPaPo:** cool!

 **PiPoPaPo:** i'll check it out when i have time

  
  


They played for a bit more, then Poppy logged off and Emu climbed into bed. Yesterday he had no idea she existed, and now it turned out that she was here and he was actually going to meet her. He dreamed of having someone like Poppy in his life. Someone he understood. Someone he could be himself around.

~~He wondered if she would let him try on her costumes.~~


	4. Dreaming Girl

Emu glanced around the cafe. Every time the door opened, he looked up expectantly. Hiiro eyed him with suspicion.

“What is wrong with you?”

“I told Poppy to meet me here.”

“Now? You have a class coming up.”

“We, uh, didn’t actually set a time.”

“So you’re going to be like this every time we come here?”

“Yeah.”

Hiiro sighed and finished off his cake.

“Let’s go.”

Emu continued looking around the small cafe. Hiiro snapped his fingers in front of Emu’s face.

“She isn’t here. Come on. We’ll be back later.”

Emu reluctantly followed Hiiro out the door. He hoped he wouldn’t have to wait too long.

* * *

  
  


By the evening, Emu was becoming restless. It was their final cafe stop of the day, and Poppy had yet to appear. Hiiro was losing patience with Emu's behavior and his exasperation was apparent.

“You can’t expect her to show up soon if you haven’t even set a time.”

“I know, shut up.”

A few minutes later, a girl in a light yellow cardigan walked into the cafe and stood awkwardly in the middle of the room, looking lost. Emu squinted at her, then stood up and walked briskly toward her.

“Poppy?”

The girl jumped at the unexpected sound.

“M?”

“Hi! My name’s Emu, actually.”

“Oh, I see. My name is Asuna. It’s nice to meet you.”

“I’m sitting over here with my roommate, you wanna join us?”

They both sat at the table. Hiiro examined her carefully.

“So you’re Poppy?”

Asuna stiffened up.

“Karino Asuna, pleased to meet you.”

“Do you attend this school?”

“Yes, I’m in the nursing program.”

Emu put a hand on Hiiro’s shoulder.

“Relax, this isn’t a job interview.”

He turned to Asuna.

“Are you okay? Is this weird? Sorry if I made this weird.”

She gave a slight shake of her head.

“No, I’m fine. I’m glad we had the opportunity to meet.”

Emu frowned. She was clearly uncomfortable, but he decided not to press it.

“So… how’s the cosplay going?”

Asuna coughed suddenly.

“It’s fine. It’s going fine. Thank you.”

Emu smiled nervously.

“That’s good.”

After a moment, Asuna awkwardly rose from her chair.

“I actually should go. Sorry. Do you want to meet up tomorrow, same time? Maybe by the statue?”

“Sure! I’ll be there.”

She quickly left the cafe. Hiiro looked from the door to Emu.

“That went…”

“Yeah.”

* * *

  
  


The next day, when Hiiro left for Cafe Renaissance in the evening, Emu went off to the founder’s statue to wait for Asuna. He was equal parts excited, nervous and concerned, all of which pushed him to get into position as soon as possible.

Before long, Asuna arrived at the statue with a wave.

“Hello! I’m sorry I was so awkward yesterday,” she said. “I'm not very good with crowds. Or public places in general, I guess.”

“Oh, hey, that’s okay. I understand.”

“Actually, would you like to come up to my dorm? It’s just across the square.”

"Your room? Really?"

"If you want. It's more private there."

Was she propositioning him? He hoped not. He wasn't interested in her like that.

“Uh, okay.”

  
  


* * *

  
  


Asuna led the way to a nearby building and up a few floors to her room, which was a sparsely decorated single. There was a desk in the corner with some fabric on it, but otherwise it hardly looked like anyone even lived there.

“I want to show you something.” Asuna lit up with excitement as she opened a drawer and pulled out a purple and green dress, a long purple wig and a pair of earrings that looked like bunches of grapes.

“This is the next cosplay I’m working on. It’s Beat Grape from Pretty Hero Juicy Beat. Do you know it?”

“No, I don’t think so.” Emu paused. "Do you… usually invite boys you just met to your room?”

“Oh. Uh, no.” She blushed. “I guess it's weird, isn't it? Sorry, I was just excited to show you this and I don’t really get to talk to anyone else about it.”

“Really? Why not?”

“Well, you know. My parents are kind of strict and they want me to focus on my studies.” She grimaced. “I could never have done anything like this while I was still living at home. It’s probably silly, but I’m still kind of scared they’re going to find out and punish me in some way.”

“Wow, that… really sucks.”

“Yeah.”

“So you don’t go to conventions or anything?”

She shook her head. Emu took a closer look at the purple dress.

“This is really nice. I mean, I don’t know anything about that beat thingy, but it looks… good.”

He ran his fingers over the material. It was smooth. Shiny. He found himself thinking again about what it would feel like on his body. Or somebody’s body. Whatever.

He wasn’t sure how long he’d been looking at the dress when Asuna picked up the wig and put it over his head. He saw purple hair fall around the edges of his vision, felt it cascading down his back. He turned his head and it swished behind him. It felt nice.

Then Asuna giggled, and the spell was broken. He felt a rush of shame.

“Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t… You look nice.”

Emu gulped.

“Thank you.”

He wasn’t sure what to feel. Asuna looked at him for a bit.

“Would you maybe want to watch Juicy Beat with me?”


	5. Costume Change

Mai twirled across the stage with a serene smile on her face. She had been practicing for this performance for weeks, and it was going perfectly. Kotomi, Keiko and Misuzu watched breathlessly from the audience.

One last flourish, and then the crowd erupted with applause as Mai took a deep bow. Invisible to most, a shining fruit appeared above her head. It was the spirit of her passionate performance come to life.

"That was amazing!" Kotomi shouted. "Way to go, Mai!"

Suddenly, a monster with armor plates and massive claws descended from the sky and snatched away the magical fruit. Mai instantly slumped onto the stage. The Inves dove into the crowd and raised the fruit to its slavering jaws.

"Hey, you jerk!" Keiko leapt to her feet. "That belongs to Mai! Get your claws off it!"

The three girls lined up in front of the Inves and raised bejeweled rods into the air, each with the image of a fruit embossed on the side.

"Juicy Beat! On stage!"

Each girl pressed a button on her wand and was enveloped in light. Colorful fabric wrapped around them, followed by bows and brooches. Soon, they were all wearing elegant dresses.

"Beat Orange!"

"Beat Banana!"

"Beat Grape!"

The girls circled around the Inves, launching magical salvos from their wands. The Inves swung its claws in every direction. Kotomi called out to the others.

“Don’t let up! We can do this! For Mai!”

“We need to stay away from those claws!” Misuzu shouted. “If we bait him into attacking in one direction, someone else can strike from behind.”

“Look at me, you big dummy!” Keiko stuck out her tongue. The Inves swiped at her and she deftly jumped back. Quickly, Kotomi flew at the monster with a magically enhanced spinning kick. It groaned and fell to its knees.

“That did it! Let’s finish this guy off!”

The girls joined hands and lifted into the air as they spun in a circle. They all raised their wands and a vortex of light reached upward.

“Heaven’s Tornado!”

The vortex bent toward the Inves and surged into it. There was a fiery explosion, and when the smoke cleared, all that was left was Mai’s fruit.

The girls cheered and hugged. The fruit floated back over to Mai and she sat up, blinking. Kotomi transformed back into her normal clothes and ran over to Mai, with Keiko and Misuzu following behind.

“Are you okay? You passed out.”

Mai looked around blankly.

“I did?” She closed her eyes and shook her head for a moment. “Oh no! My dance!”

“Your performance was exceptional,” said Misuzu.

“Yeah, everyone loved it!” Keiko added.

“Sorry I ruined the ending.” Mai let out a nervous laugh. Kotomi stepped forward and hugged her.

“Don’t worry about it. You were perfect.”

* * *

  
  


Asuna turned to Emu.

“What did you think?”

“It was…” Emu thought for a bit. “Nice.”

He liked the way they supported each other. It was certainly different from “fighting” alongside Snipe. Or studying with Hiiro, for that matter.

“I think so, too.” Asuna chuckled. “I guess that’s obvious.”

"Thank you for sharing it with me."

Asuna smiled.

“Do you want to watch another episode?”

“I should actually go. It’s getting kinda late, and I have homework.”

“Okay. You can come over tomorrow if you want.”

“Yeah, I’ll do that.”

  
  


* * *

  
  


By the time Emu finished his homework, Hiiro was already asleep. Emu sat in the dim light and thought back to his evening with Asuna. He felt like he could relate to her more than anybody he knew.

It was fun watching the show with her. They were comfortable, sitting there together. Although he wasn't sure he should've been. Juicy Beat really didn't seem like it was for boys.

At the same time, he felt like… he could understand the show. Like it was a world he wanted to live in. Coming into that space and leaving his real life behind was like a breath of fresh air. The girls were so nice and friendly and fun.

He thought about the way they transformed. Dresses materializing out of nowhere. They were so cute. He wished he could just push a button and be like that.

“Juicy Beat, on stage…”

  
  


* * *

  
  


The next day, Emu ditched Hiiro at the cafe again and wandered over to Asuna's dorm. He wasn't actually sure if he should wait by the statue again or what, so he just kind of hung around the area until Asuna showed up. She found him standing in the middle of the yard and escorted him up to her room.

As they entered the room, Emu cleared his throat.

"Hey, um, how's that costume going? The… grape."

"I haven't really done anything since you saw it yesterday, but it's coming along nicely. You want to see it?"

Emu nodded shyly. Asuna brought the costume out and set it down on her bed. Emu gazed longingly at the dress and tentatively touched it. Asuna gave him a look.

"You know… it's a little hard working on cosplay stuff on a desk, and I don't have a dummy or anything. It would help if I had a model…"

Emu's heart leapt into his throat.

"You… uh… What?"

"I was just wondering if you would mind modeling the costume for me." Her face looked completely neutral.

Emu's mind raced. Was she serious? It would be a really mean joke, right? She didn't seem like she would do that. Did he want to? Yes, but that wasn't the point. Should he? Probably not, but he was having trouble coming up with an argument while all the blood was rushing to his head.

"I… would be willing to do that. If you want."

Asuna broke into a big smile.

"I'll turn around so you can get changed."

Right now?!

Emu nervously shed his clothes, trying to pretend that Asuna wasn't a few feet away. He felt vulnerable standing there in his underwear. No going back. He picked up the dress and carefully slipped it on. He hoped he was doing it right.

"Uh, can you help me with the back part?"

Asuna turned around.

"Of course."

She deftly fastened the dress, then stepped back and looked Emu up and down. A torrent of emotions rushed through him. Embarrassment and joy and shame, all at once.

"It suits you," Asuna said.

"You think so?"

"I do."

Emu shifted uncomfortably.

"So… what do I do now?"

Asuna grabbed her laptop.

"Why don't we watch more Juicy Beat?"

She started up an episode and the two sat together. Emu slowly relaxed and enjoyed the show. When the girls transformed, Emu looked down at the dress on his own body and felt a rush.

He could almost imagine that it belonged there.


	6. A Girl's Heart

When Emu got back to his dorm, he noticed that he had a message on Paradox.

  
  


**xXsNiPeXx:** hey r u ok?

  
  


He recoiled a bit at the message, even though it was friendly enough. After spending time with Asuna, he was even less interested in playing along with Snipe's bravado.

  
  


**MightyActionM:** yeah im fine

**xXsNiPeXx:** o hey dude

**xXsNiPeXx:** havnt seen u in a while

**MightyActionM:** yeah i just got caught up in other things

**xXsNiPeXx:** lol

  
  


In a burst of paranoia, Emu briefly worried that Snipe somehow _knew_ and was _laughing at him,_ but how could he? It probably didn't mean anything. Just move on.

  
  


**MightyActionM:** you been playing without me?

**xXsNiPeXx:** some1 has 2

**xXsNiPeXx:** fr i kinda mist u

  
  


Emu started to type "gay" and then erased it.

  
  


**MightyActionM:** aw

**xXsNiPeXx:** lol

**xXsNiPeXx:** can i ask u a question?

**MightyActionM:** ok

**xXsNiPeXx:** wat does the m stand 4?

  
  


Did he want to tell Snipe his name? Not that the M actually stood for anything. Should he make something up?

  
  


**MightyActionM:** mai

  
  


Why did he do that? Stupid!

  
  


**xXsNiPeXx:** wait r u a girl?

**MightyActionM:** maybe

  
  


Ugh now he was just making it worse. He willed himself not to dig the hole any deeper.

  
  


**xXsNiPeXx:** lol ok

**xXsNiPeXx:** my names taiga

**MightyActionM:** hello taiga

  
  


All he had to do was act like a normal person. It was fine.

  
  


**MightyActionM:** tbh i haven't really wanted to play bbs lately

**MightyActionM:** so you probably won't see me around

**xXsNiPeXx:** ok thats cool

**xXsNiPeXx:** we can still talk on pardox if you want

**MightyActionM:** sure

  
  


That sounded normal enough. Emu shut down his computer and went to bed.

  
  


* * *

  
  


Over the next few days, and then weeks, Emu and Asuna developed a routine: they would go to Asuna's dorm after classes; Emu would put on the Beat Grape costume; and the two would sit together and watch Juicy Beat. In those moments, Emu felt light. He floated above the world, above the clouds, basking in the pure light of cute girls and friendship.

Occasionally, Asuna would work on the costume, and _almost_ made it seem like Emu was helping, but he knew it was really just for his benefit. Asuna was a good friend. He didn't exactly understand what was going on with him, and maybe she didn't either, but they were happy and comfortable in the space they created together.

They tried hanging out with Hiiro at the cafe a few times, but the awkwardness never seemed to go away. Emu certainly wasn't going to tell Hiiro how he'd been spending his time with Asuna, and the other two didn't seem interested in opening up either.

Emu never got back into playing Bang Bang Shooting regularly, but he did talk to Taiga a little bit on Paradox. They didn't actually have all that much to talk about, but it was kind of nice just chatting about nothing occasionally. Paradox was a sort of neutral ground compared to BBS, and Taiga was less aggressive. They settled into an easy routine.

Things were going okay.

  
  


* * *

  
  


Mai and Kotomi leapt through the hole in reality, collapsing together as a giant floating zipper closed behind them and then disappeared.

"We… made it," Mai said in between mouthfuls of air.

"Yeah…" Kotomi looked at Mai. "I'm sorry, Mai. You shouldn't have had to go through that."

Mai laughed drily. "I've seen monsters before, remember? And what about you? Just because you have a magic wand doesn't mean you deserve… whatever's going on. Did you say that place was called Hell?"

"Helheim. I'm doing okay so far. I have the others by my side. Well, usually."

Mai wrapped her arms around Kotomi. "It's okay to be scared."

Kotomi relaxed into Mai's embrace. "Yeah."

Asuna was even more focused on the screen than usual. She had a look on her face that Emu wasn't sure how to interpret.

"You like this part?"

Asuna blushed and nodded.

Emu looked back at Asuna's laptop and saw Kotomi and Mai kiss, just for a moment. He wasn't expecting that.

"Oh."

Asuna blushed even harder.

"You, um…" Emu wasn't sure what to say. "You… like this part."

"Yeah, I'm… I'm gay. A lesbian." Asuna looked sheepish.

"That's… good. Or, um. Fine. I mean… Sorry."

Asuna nodded. "I know you're going through something, and I think I kind of know how it feels. So… yeah."

Emu squeezed her hand gently.

He'd gotten so used to wearing Asuna's cosplay dress, he almost forgot it was weird. Did it mean he was gay? He'd never dated or anything, so he wasn't really sure.

At least Asuna was there. Maybe he would be alright.


	7. Racing Heart

"Do you have the orgo notes?" Emu leaned across the table toward Hiiro.

"Yes. Which you know, because you were in class, sitting right next to me."

"Yeah."

Hiiro snorted with… well, probably not disappointment, but annoyance, anyway.

"I'm studying them now. You can look at them later."

Emu sighed and rested his head on his arms. His eyes roamed aimlessly around the cafe.

His attention found something to rest on when the door opened and a boy about his age, maybe a little older, walked in. The new customer was wearing a Hawaiian shirt, a red leather jacket and sunglasses. He strode across the room with a casual, confident swagger, gestured to the barista and smoothly turned to lean against the counter. He was the coolest person Emu had ever seen.

"Do you… know who that guy is?"

Hiiro looked up from his work.

"I've seen him before. Never spoken to him. I don't think he goes to Jounan."

The cafe was a freestanding building, but still firmly within the campus. It was unusual to get townies there. Maybe he lived nearby and he liked the coffee?

Or he was trying to pick up college students.

Emu felt a little thrill at that thought. Did he want to be picked up? Maybe by that guy.

Was he into guys?

Emu blushed and lowered his head, suddenly very concerned with the homework he wasn't doing.

* * *

  
  


**xXsNiPeXx:** hey mai

**MightyActionM:** yeah?

**xXsNiPeXx:** what u do

**xXsNiPeXx:** like work or school or

**MightyActionM:** i'm premed

**MightyActionM:** gonna be a doctor

**xXsNiPeXx:** o wow

**xXsNiPeXx:** ur smart

**MightyActionM:** hah

**MightyActionM:** maybe

  
  


Emu felt some pride at that. He didn't think he was smart. Hiiro was way better at school than him. But the compliment was nice. He didn't think Taiga had ever complimented him before.

  
  


**xXsNiPeXx:** so r u still playin games

**MightyActionM:** uh yeah

**MightyActionM:** sometimes yeah

**xXsNiPeXx:** what games u play

**MightyActionM:** i've been playing drago knight hunter

**xXsNiPeXx:** oh thsts cool

**xXsNiPeXx:** you wanna play some time

**MightyActionM:** sure

  
  


Emu hoped Drago Knight Hunter would be a little more chill than BBS. It would be nice to get back into playing multiplayer. Maybe he should've told Taiga he was a girl sooner.

* * *

  
  


Emu's eyes wandered back and forth across the other customers at the cafe, looking for someone who wasn't there. Hiiro let out an exasperated sigh.

"You're doing it again."

"The what?" Emu said absentmindedly.

Hiiro gestured around the room.

"Looking. Everywhere. Is this about your friend again?"

"Asuna. You've met… No, it's not."

"Then why?"

"It's nothing, just… somebody I saw here."

"The red jacket?"

"Uhhhh…"

Hiiro looked back down at his textbook and waved his hand dismissively.

"Your desires aren't my business."

Emu blushed again. He'd been doing that a lot lately. Although, maybe that meant Hiiro was okay with it? Gay people, or whatever Emu was. That's a good sign.

A few minutes later, the guy with the red jacket walked into the cafe. He ordered and started chatting with the barista. Emu couldn't tell if they were friends or if they were flirting. Possibly both.

Would it be weird for Emu to go up and talk to him? Interrupting whatever was going on seemed rude, but he didn't want to miss his chance to… he wasn't sure what.

Emu got up from his chair, partly on purpose and partly on autopilot, and walked awkwardly toward the counter.

Red jacket turned to face him with a playful smile.

"Kujou Kiriya." He put out his hand.

"Uh… Emu. Houjou. Houjou Emu."

"Did you want to order something?"

"Uhhhhh…" Emu's mind went completely blank.

Kiriya's smile widened. He asked the barista for a piece of paper and wrote something down, then winked at Emu and walked away.

It was a phone number.

Emu looked up and Kiriya was gone.

The barista gave a short laugh.

"Yeah, he does that."

"Are you two…?"

"Sometimes. I'm Jungo, by the way."

"I'm Emu. Again. Still."

Jungo laughed again.

"He's a good person. He just likes to impress people. Have fun!" He turned to a customer who was approaching the counter.

Emu returned to his seat, dumbfounded.

"Wow."


	8. Take a Ride

"Hey, so Asuna, I… I met someone."

Asuna's ears pricked up. She sat beside him on her bed, having just finished their latest episode of Juicy Beat.

"Oh? Someone you're interested in?"

"Yeah, um… his name's Kiriya."

Asuna smiled warmly, and wrapped her arms around Emu in a gentle hug.

"I'm glad."

Emu smiled back, somewhat sheepishly.

"Thanks."

After a moment, Emu stepped back from the hug.

"I got his phone number, but I haven't called him yet."

"How long has it been?"

"Um… two days?"

Asuna studied Emu for a moment.

"Do you want to go out with Kiriya?"

"Yeah, I think so."

"Then call him!"

She took Emu's hand.

"You'll be fine. I could even be there if you want."

"No, I think I should do it by myself. And… yeah, I think I will. Tonight, I guess. Thanks."

Asuna nodded enthusiastically.

"Of course."

  
  


* * *

  
  


Emu sat in his room, staring at his phone. He had typed in the number Kiriya gave him, and his finger hovered over the call button. He took a deep breath, and pressed the button.

"Hello?"

"Uh, yeah, Kiriya?"

"That's right." Emu could hear the smile in his voice.

"We met the other day, uh, at Cafe Renaissance."

"I remember."

"I wanted to call you, and uh…"

"You have me," Kiriya said in a voice that Emu thought might've been seductive. He gulped.

"Do you want to… do… something?"

"It's a date."

"Oh, okay, yeah. What, um… do we…"

"You wanna go for a ride?"

  
  


* * *

  
  


Kiriya pulled up to Emu's dorm on a yellow dirt bike. Emu felt his heart race with excitement.

"Um, hi. Nice bike. Motorcycle."

"Thanks," Kiriya said with a lopsided grin.

Emu approached the bike, but wasn't quite sure what to do. Kiriya patted the seat just behind him, so Emu threw a leg across the motorcycle and pulled himself against Kiriya's back. It was comfortable, but somewhat… intimate.

"Hold on," Kiriya said.

The bike roared to life and Emu started as it shot forward. He held tight to Kiriya, his heart racing. Buildings, street lights and cars flew by. It was exhilarating. Kiriya turned onto a curved, sloping road and Emu felt the whole bike tilt with the curve, the road surface approaching from one side.

"How brave are you feeling?" Kiriya shouted over the wind and engine.

"I can be brave!" Emu lied.

Kiriya steered the bike off the road and towards an empty pavilion. He drove the bike across the square and over a flight of stairs. Emu felt a moment of weightlessness, then a heavy thud as the bike touched down.

"Aaaaaah!" He'd meant to say something coherent, but all that came out was a yell.

"You okay?"

Emu nodded against Kiriya's back.

"Alright, we're almost there. It'll get a little bumpy."

Kiriya turned off the road again, this time onto dirt. The uneven surface rattled Emu's bones. They approached what looked like a warehouse with detritus strewn behind it. Kiriya stopped the motorcycle and dismounted, and Emu followed.

"This used to be an airsoft place, but it got shut down." Kiriya reached into the bike's saddle bag or whatever and pulled out a pair of toy guns.

"You like laser tag?"

  
  


* * *

  
  


The laser tag set was fairly cheap-looking, probably made for young kids. There were adjustable glowing lights on Emu's gun, which he set to pink.

He had never played before, and his experience with Bang Bang Shooting only sort of translated. Kiriya was a good shot, but he kept doing dramatic dives and rolls like an action movie star, so it wasn't hard for Emu to get some hits in. It was fun.

After the game, the two sat on barrels for a moment, idly chatting.

"So uh, what do you do?" Emu asked.

"I work at a funeral home. Make dead people look nice."

"Oh, wow."

"What about you? What have you been doing at Jounan?"

"Oh, uh. Trying to become a doctor."

"So I guess you'll work on the alive people, huh?"

Emu giggled. He was still nervous, and excited, and scared, but it had calmed down to a dull roar. Being wooed or whatever was kind of fun. It felt natural in a way that Emu hadn't expected.

Not long after, the two packed up and Kiriya drove Emu home. The ride was easier the second time. After Emu stepped off the motorcycle, he paused for a minute looking at Kiriya. Kiriya's lips. Emu really wanted to kiss him. But he panicked and turned back toward his dorm.

He hoped he would get another chance.


	9. Heart Beat Crisis

"Houjou! Let's… Are you already dressed?"

"Uh, yeah, I woke up a little early and couldn't get back to sleep."

"Are you feeling alright?"

"Yeah. Are you ready? Class starts soon, right?"

Hiiro wore a look of concern bordering on horror, but followed Emu out of the dorm room.

A short while into their trek through the hallways of the dormitory, Hiiro abruptly stopped.

"You left last night. There was a motorcycle. This is about the jacket man."

"Uh, Kiriya, yeah, I um—"

"You had a date."

"…Yes?"

Hiiro simply nodded, then continued walking. Emu couldn't figure out exactly what Hiiro was feeling—not that he ever could—but he was pretty sure it wasn't a negative reaction. That worked.

  
  


* * *

  
  


In class, Emu's head was buzzing. He took out his phone, holding it below the desk so that Professor Hongo (but mostly Hiiro) couldn't see. He found Kiriya's contact and typed off a quick "hi, it's emu."

  
  


**GiriGiriya:** Hey babe ;)

  
  


Oh wow.

  
  


**MightyActionM:** i had a nice time yesterday

**GiriGiriya:** I'm glad

**MightyActionM:** i'd like to do that again sometime

**MightyActionM:** or you know, something else

**GiriGiriya:** Something else? >:)

  
  


Emu suddenly felt very warm.

  
  


**MightyActionM:** i mean like, another date

**GiriGiriya:** Are you asking me out again?

**MightyActionM:** i guess so. if that's okay

**GiriGiriya:** It's great :)

**GiriGiriya:** You free tomorrow night?

**MightyActionM:** i can be, yeah

**GiriGiriya:** I'll pick you up same time?

**MightyActionM** : sounds good

  
  


Emu again felt the giddiness wash over him. Dating Kiriya was exciting, but it was a comfortable thrill. Like he was born for this. Was this how everyone felt? No wonder people liked dating.

"Be quiet and pay attention," Hiiro said under his breath. Emu looked up at the board, worrying what noise he had made to catch Hiiro's attention.

  
  


* * *

  
  


As Emu approached Asuna's dorm, he could read the anticipation on her face.

"Did you call him?"

"Yeah, we went out, and I have another date tomorrow."

"Oh my god!" She hugged him. "You're doing great."

"How was the first date?" she asked after they separated. Emu grinned.

"It was a lot of fun. And it felt so… Have you dated anyone before?"

"Um, kind of. A little. A boy, for maybe a week or two."

This time, Emu hugged her.

"I… I believe you can be the person you want to be, if that makes sense."

"It does. Thank you," Asuna said as she cuddled into him.

"I love you, you know that?"

"I love you, too."


	10. Like a Crystal

Kiriya picked Emu up on his motorcycle again, and this time Emu allowed himself to relax and enjoy the feeling of racing through the city with the wind rushing past him. Kiriya was clearly a skilled driver, and Emu trusted him.

After a few minutes, they started to leave the densely packed buildings behind, although in a different direction from the airsoft arena. Kiriya pulled onto a road that rose up and wound along the side of a mountain. The motorcycle rocked back and forth as Kiriya expertly managed the curves. Eventually, Kiriya pulled to a stop on the edge of the road, facing away from the mountain.

The city stretched out in front of them, a sea of lights and dark shapes. Directly beneath, Emu saw what looked like a botanical garden. He could just make out the patterns of colors formed by the flowers.

"Wow," he said, and let his mouth hang open.

When he looked up, he noticed that Kiriya was staring at him. More specifically, his mouth. He had a pretty good idea what Kiriya had in mind. He wanted it, too.

Emu nervously stepped toward Kiriya and caught him in a loose hug. Kiriya moved his head forward and Emu closed his eyes, waiting for Kiriya to take the lead. He felt lips on his, moving slowly at first, testing. Emu responded, trying to match Kiriya's movements.

The kiss deepened, and soon they were using their tongues, lips sliding against each other. Emu felt like that moment had expanded to encompass his entire life. The only things that existed were Kiriya, and his lips, and his tongue, and his warmth.

It was definitely the best first kiss of Emu's life.

  
  


* * *

  
  


Kiriya leaned against the barrier on the edge of the road, while Emu sat sidesaddle on the motorcycle. After the kiss, they settled into a silence that was gradually becoming less comfortable.

"So… what do you do?" Emu eventually asked. "I know your job, but like, for fun."

"That kiss was pretty fun."

"Yeah, um, other than that." It felt like all of Emu's blood was rushing to his face, and maybe somewhere else.

"I don't know, video games sometimes."

"Oh, yeah? What kind?"

"Racing games, mostly."

"I like those, too. Do you have Bakusou Bike? We could play sometime."

"Sure thing."

"Can I ask, why do you go to Cafe Renaissance? You don't go to Jounan, right?"

"No, I mostly go to see Jungo. And…" He paused.

"Yeah?"

"I wish I was a doctor sometimes. The funeral home kind of feels like a dead end, you know? Making corpses look like they're still alive so people can look in the casket and not get creeped out… kinda feels like I'm just playing, I guess. Like it doesn't matter. I can't actually help them. They're just dead." Kiriya chuckled. "Sorry, that was a lot."

"No, I understand. I mean, not the dead people thing. But I feel like I'm just playing at being a person pretty much all the time, if that makes sense."

Emu hadn't really expected to get into something this heavy, but it made him feel even closer to Kiriya than he had during the kiss. It was like Kiriya was a real person for the first time, not just the stylish thrill-seeker that existed in his head.

  
  


* * *

  
  


"You kissed?"

"Yeah, it was… it was pretty great." Asuna touched his arm.

"I'm so happy for you."

"Thanks. We talked, also. It got a little intense, but in a good way I think? I think it's going good."

"Did you unlock his tragic backstory?"

Emu laughed.

"It's weird. I never thought I was gay, but being with Kiriya feels so right. And I don't really… feel gay, if that makes sense? I dunno. I guess I was never really into anybody before."

"I see." Asuna folded her arms. "I feel gay. Or different? If that's the same thing. I feel like there's a part of my life that's out of sync with everyone else."

"You know I'll support you if you ever decide to come out or whatever, right?"

"Thanks. I don't know. Maybe someday." Asuna let out a dry laugh. "I guess you unlocked my tragic backstory."

Emu hugged her without saying anything. He wasn't completely sure how, but he wanted to help her as much as she had helped him. He hoped that in that moment, being there for her was enough.

  
  


* * *

  
  


Back at his dorm, Emu started up Drago Knight Hunter Z. Taiga was online, so Emu jumped in his party. It had been an emotionally taxing night, and Emu needed to unwind. It was strange, just a month ago it was Taiga that he needed to unwind from. He hadn't even realized how stressful their old BBS matches were at the time. He was glad their relationship had evolved since then.

  
  


**MightyActionM** : hey taiga

**xXsNiPeXx:** hi mai

**xXsNiPeXx:** how r u

**MightyActionM:** exhausted, had a big day

**xXsNiPeXx:** good or bad

**MightyActionM:** good! but like

**MightyActionM:** cathartic

**MightyActionM:** is that the word

**MightyActionM:** that might not be what that means

**xXsNiPeXx:** lol

**MightyActionM:** just sort of a rollercoaster i guess

**xXsNiPeXx:** wow ok

**xXsNiPeXx:** i had a big day to

**xXsNiPeXx:** we had like

**xXsNiPeXx:** 4 customers

**MightyActionM:** haha

**MightyActionM:** where do you work?

**xXsNiPeXx:** a military surplus store

**xXsNiPeXx:** its kind of a shithole lol

**MightyActionM:** do you like working there?

**xXsNiPeXx:** yeah

  
  


At least someone was happy with their life. Asuna usually seemed happy when they were together, anyway. And Kiriya… Kiriya was harder to read, but Emu got the impression that he was having fun, which was hopefully something like happiness.


	11. Let's Try Together

**GiriGiriya:** How's doctor college?

 **MightyActionM:** pre doctor college

 **MightyActionM** : and i'm talking to you instead of paying attention lol

 **GiriGiriya:** Oh no, am I a bad influence? >:)

 **MightyActionM:** nah i was already like this

 **GiriGiriya:** Professor Doctor must be so disappointed in you

 **MightyActionM:** his name is katsuragi and this is physics

  
  


Emu felt warm. Was this what being in a relationship was like? He still couldn't believe he had a boyfriend. He'd never expected to date anyone, and yet it was so easy to be Kiriya's g… boyfriend.

What was that about? Did he just think of himself as Kiriya's girlfriend? That would be cool, if he could—

Emu tried not to think about it as he chatted for the rest of the class.

  
  


* * *

  
  


At the cafe, Emu was surprised to see Kiriya already flirting with Jungo as he and Hiiro arrived. Hiiro walked straight up to the counter and ordered his usual cake, ignoring Kiriya.

Emu wasn't sure whether he should interrupt. He was thrown back to the first time he saw Kiriya, before they started dating, and he found it hard to speak. When Hiiro finished paying, Emu simply followed him to an empty table and sat down automatically.

Kiriya turned away from Jungo with a wave and headed straight for Emu's and Hiiro's table. He sat down next to Emu and immediately kissed him. Hiiro looked as if he had found a fly in his soup.

"Is something wrong?" Kiriya asked.

"Uh, no," Emu said. "I just… wasn't sure if you were busy."

"We're dating. You're allowed to talk to me, man."

Emu felt a twinge of discomfort. From embarrassment, maybe? He wasn't sure.

"What's wrong with your friend?" Kiriya nodded to Hiiro. "Is he a homophobe?"

Emu's eyes shot wide open. Hiiro sputtered.

"I'm simply trying to study. I have a schedule to keep. You're distracting me from it."

"Oh? You find me… distracting?"

Hiiro closed his eyes and took a deep breath, then gestured to Emu.

"Save it for him."

Emu blushed for maybe the hundredth time that week.

  
  


* * *

  
  


Emu ran the Beat Grape costume through his fingers, felt it on his body. Even if he was gay… was this normal? Did gay men do this? He didn't really get the impression that Kiriya would wear a dress. Did Kiriya get that impression from him?

"So how… I mean, are you still working on this?" he asked Asuna.

"I'm mostly done with that one. Normally when I'm finished I would take some pictures, but it's fine if you want to wear it. It looks good on you." Asuna looked up in thought for a moment. "Do you want to do a shoot?"

"Me? In this? I don't, uh…"

"We could just do it in here. No one would see it."

"Um, maybe? I don't know, that's…"

"It's okay if you don't want to. Just offering."

Emu nodded. He liked the idea of doing one of Asuna's photo shoots, but it felt wrong, dressing up in secret. He wanted to get closer to Kiriya. Was he going to hide this from him the whole time? Could he tell Kiriya? Emu couldn't picture how that would go.

"I was actually thinking about starting a new cosplay," Asuna said. "Do you know Bang Bang Shooting?"

Emu started.

"Uh, I do, yeah."

"There was this character, they basically just used her to promote the game, like a sexy soldier girl?"

"I think I've seen that."

"Yeah, I wanted to try cosplaying her. It's… bolder than anything I've done before, but I like the design. I've never made those kinds of pouches and straps and things before, though, so I'll have to figure that out. Maybe I'll buy them from somewhere."

"I actually know someone who works at a military surplus place."


	12. Transcend

Sid's Surplus was in a small strip mall with not much traffic. The sign was just a banner strung up over the door. It looked like it was supposed to be temporary, but it had clearly been there for a long time.

Inside, Emu and Asuna were greeted by a young man with blonde highlights wearing a yellow shawl. As they approached the counter, Emu saw that his nametag said "Taiga."

"Welcome to Sid's Surplus," Taiga said in a monotone voice.

"Hello, I'm looking for… assorted tactical gear?" Asuna said. "Pouches, straps, that kind of thing?"

"MOLLE pouches are over there, and we have ALICE suspenders back there," Taiga said, pointing around the store.

Emu didn't know who Molly and Alice were, but Asuna seemed satisfied. She strode off to look at the merchandise. Emu stayed at the counter and cleared his throat.

"I'm uh… Hello, I'm… Mighty…"

Taiga looked him over.

"Mighty Action M?"

"Yeah, that's… that's me. Hi." Emu gave a little wave.

"Oh. Yeah, I know someone like you."

"You… what? Someone like me?" That wasn't the reaction Emu was expecting.

"Yeah, Nico. I play with her sometimes. I can give you her username, hold on."

Taiga scribbled on a pad and handed Emu a piece of paper that had "CyberN1c0" written on it in sloppy handwriting.

"Um… thanks." What did he mean by someone like Emu? He would've expected a girl. Did he know what was going on with Emu? He couldn't know about the crossdressing, right?

Asuna returned with a handful of green and tan accessories, ending the conversation.

  
  


* * *

  
  


Emu started up his Genm Cube and searched for CyberN1c0. According to the system, she was playing Gekitotsu Robots. Emu inserted the game cartridge and sent her a request.

**CyberN1c0:** do i know u

**MightyActionM:** um not exactly

**MightyActionM:** i think you know snipe?

**CyberN1c0:** o yeah i know him

**CyberN1c0:** u gonna play

Emu chose a robot fighter and loaded into the game. Nico was using a custom pink, white and blue color scheme.

  
  


**MightyActionM:** i like your robot

**CyberN1c0:** lol

**CyberN1c0:** u trans

**MightyActionM:** trans what?

**CyberN1c0:** gender

**MightyActionM:** um

**CyberN1c0:** u kno

**CyberN1c0:** girl who want to be boy

**CyberN1c0:** boy who want to be girl

**CyberN1c0:** etc

**MightyActionM:** uh yeah i've heard of that

**CyberN1c0:** so i guess u arent lol

**MightyActionM:** um

**MightyActionM:** do you mind if i ask you something?

**CyberN1c0:** is it about my dick

**MightyActionM:** no!!

**MightyActionM:** i was just wondering

**MightyActionM:** how do you know you're transgender?

**CyberN1c0:** idk

**CyberN1c0:** u just gotta b who u want 2b

**CyberN1c0:** imagine the best person

**CyberN1c0:** some1 ud like 2b

  
  


Asuna was pretty close.

  
  


**MightyActionM:** ok

**CyberN1c0:** good

**CyberN1c0:** now be them

Be… Asuna? Or like Asuna. He did like her costumes, obviously. But…

  
  


**MightyActionM:** um

**MightyActionM:** so if i'm a boy

**MightyActionM:** and the person i pictured is a girl

**MightyActionM:** does that mean i'm a trans

**MightyActionM:** a transgender person

**CyberN1c0:** prolly

**CyberN1c0:** congrats

**CyberN1c0:** ur officially cool

So then… did that mean he could be a girl? Like, for real? Was that what he wanted?

**MightyActionM:** i'm

**MightyActionM:** i'm gonna need to think about this

**MightyActionM:** thank you

**CyberN1c0:** yeah no prob

**CyberN1c0:** dont b afraid 2b u

**CyberN1c0:** now watch me beat ur ass


	13. Identity

Emu tried to imagine being trans. He looked around the classroom. If he were a girl sitting there, would it feel any different? He pictured a girl sitting there in his seat. His heart beat a little faster. It was a cute picture. It didn't really feel like him, but he wished it did. Maybe that was what being trans was.

  
  


* * *

  
  


"Asuna, um…"

"Yes?"

"Have you ever met, uh… a transgender person?"

Asuna looked at Emu thoughtfully.

"No, I haven't personally. Have you?"

"Uh, yeah, online anyway. She said… she said to think about who I want to be and try to be that person, which… I think is a girl. I think I might be trans."

Asuna hugged him tightly.

"I love you," she said.

"I think it would explain the… the dress thing, you know? I think it maybe makes sense."

"I understand." Asuna leaned back from the hug and looked him in the eyes.

"Do you want to try different pronouns? Or a name?"

"I think… I think that's a good idea. I'll try being she? With you. And, um…" Emu looked down and mumbled, "Could you call me Mai?"

Asuna broke into a wide grin.

"Of course."

  
  


* * *

  
  


**MightyActionM:** can i ask you a question?

**GiriGiriya:** No it's forbidden

**GiriGiriya:** Of course

**MightyActionM:** are you into girls

**MightyActionM:** or just guys

**GiriGiriya:** If you're worried I'm going to leave you for a girl, don't

**MightyActionM:** no it's not that

**MightyActionM:** i was just wondering

**GiriGiriya:** I am attracted to women, yes

**MightyActionM:** ok thanks

**MightyActionM:** sorry for being weird

  
  


Maybe this could work.

  
  


* * *

  
  


Emu laid in his bed, wondering what Hiiro would think if Emu were trans. He probably wouldn't think it was appropriate rooming with a girl. Would he even accept Emu as a girl? He'd been acting weird about Kiriya, but Emu couldn't tell if it was homophobia or just Hiiro being Hiiro.

Emu wasn't exactly invested in Hiiro's opinion—if he were, he would be studying—but he wasn't sure he could take being rejected if he came out. It would probably be hard being trans. He hadn't really thought about that part, but now the idea terrified him. Was it worth it? Nico seemed to think it was.

  
  


* * *

  
  


**MightyActionM:** can i ask you

**MightyActionM:** what's it like?

**MightyActionM:** being trans

**CyberN1c0:** its like being cis but better

**MightyActionM:** cis?

**CyberN1c0:** not trans lol

**MightyActionM:** oh ok

**MightyActionM:** i'm just

**MightyActionM:** kinda worried

**CyberN1c0:** i know

**CyberN1c0:** ul b ok

**CyberN1c0:** being who u r is the most important thing u can do i think

**CyberN1c0:** cuz if u dont

**CyberN1c0:** nothing means anything u know

**CyberN1c0:** just some fake shit

**CyberN1c0:** to make randos comfortable

**CyberN1c0:** fuck em tbh

**MightyActionM:** wow

  
  


Nico sent Emu an image. There were a handful of anime girls scattered across a flat background, with a caption in a variety of fonts that said, "Oh you like bad boys? I was so bad at being a boy, I became a woman."

  
  


**MightyActionM:** i like that

**CyberN1c0:** lol


	14. I Gotta Believe

**MightyActionM:** hey nico

**CyberN1c0:** sup

**MightyActionM:** i wanted you to know

**MightyActionM:** i'm trying out she

**MightyActionM:** being a she

**MightyActionM:** you know what i mean

**CyberN1c0:** ye

**CyberN1c0:** im proud of u

**MightyActionM:** thank you

**MightyActionM:** i feel like

**MightyActionM:** being a girl is the right thing to do

**CyberN1c0:** it totally is

  
  


She sent him another meme. This one said, "Girls don't want boys, girls want estrogen." It was strange, these silly pictures were like a window into another world. A world where Emu was normal.

  
  


**MightyActionM:** haha

**CyberN1c0:** im streaming drmfb later

**CyberN1c0:** u should check it out

**MightyActionM:** ok i will

**CyberN1c0:** sick

  
  


* * *

  
  


"Hey, Asuna?"

"Yes, Mai?"

Emu smiled a little at that.

"I told you about Nico, right?"

"The person you met?"

"Yeah, well, she's streaming DoReMiFa Beat, and I know you like that game, so…"

Asuna stopped the now automatic process of loading up the latest episode of Juicy Beat.

"Ooh, let's watch."

She opened her browser and pulled up the stream.

Nico was on a dance pad, smoothly gliding across the buttons in time with the music. She was a young woman who wore brightly colored hip hop-style clothing. Her stream seemed to be popular. It might have even been her job, by the looks of it.

"Your friend is cute," Asuna muttered.

Emu smiled.

"Yeah."

The chorus started and Nico started moving even faster. She was so graceful and confident on the dance pad. She danced with her whole body, which wasn't really necessary for the game, but it looked cool. And she was wearing platform shoes, which couldn't have made it easy.

"She's amazing."

Emu gestured to the keyboard.

"Can I…?"

"Go ahead."

  
  


**PiPoPaPo:** hey this is mai

  
  


He almost typed Emu.

  
  


**PiPoPaPo:** ignore the username lol

**PiPoPaPo:** not my computer

  
  


After a moment, Nico looked off to the side, presumably at a screen displaying the chat.

"Hey, Mai! What's up? Good to see you!"

  
  


**PiPoPaPo:** hanging with a friend

**PiPoPaPo:** this is her account

**PiPoPaPo:** you'd probably like her

  
  


"Oh, yeah? Is she hot?"

Asuna shoved Emu away from the keyboard.

  
  


**PiPoPaPo:** hello this is she

**PiPoPaPo:** mai lost posting privileges

  
  


Nico laughed.

"What's your name?"

  
  


**PiPoPaPo:** you can call me poppy

  
  


Emu and Asuna took turns typing for the rest of the stream. Nico expertly moved between conversations with the various people in the chat like a hostess working the room at a cocktail party.

It was astounding to see a trans woman who was so comfortable and popular. Emu would never have imagined it. It gave him hope, seeing that living a life as a girl was a real possibility.

As the song ended, Emu caught some of the lyrics:

_ Someday you will see _

_ Beyond your ideal self _

_ To a bright future _

  
  


* * *

  
  


**MightyActionM:** i wanted to thank you

**MightyActionM:** for introducing me to nico

**MightyActionM:** she's really cool

**xXsNiPeXx:** yea

**xXsNiPeXx:** no prob

**MightyActionM:** she's been helping with um

**MightyActionM:** trans stuff

**MightyActionM:** so it's been really good

**xXsNiPeXx:** cool cool

**xXsNiPeXx:** glad 2 here it

**xXsNiPeXx:** i dont no anythjng about that stuff lol

**xXsNiPeXx:** but nicos really smart

**xXsNiPeXx:** ur in good hands

**xXsNiPeXx:** i g2g

**xXsNiPeXx:** good luck mai

  
  


Mai. He was Mai.  _ She _ was Mai.

Mai shut down her computer and went to bed.


	15. Mandatory Destiny

Mai looked over her clothes for a third time. None of it felt right anymore. They weren't her clothes, they were Emu's clothes, whoever that was.

"Emu, come on! Just pick something!"

Hiiro had no idea who she was. _She_ barely knew who she was. She still needed to get to know this person who had been waiting inside her.

She decided on the pink shirt. It seemed like the most feminine thing she owned.

"Finally. Let's go."

  
  


* * *

  
  


"Okay, class!" Professor Hongo dramatically raised his dry erase marker into the air. "Today we are learning about…"

He began to write the topic across the board. Mai almost didn't believe her eyes. She felt like she was dreaming.

They were studying hormones.

Professor Hongo delivered the lecture enthusiastically as usual, but Mai didn't catch much of it. She was waiting for the other shoe to drop.

"Steroidal hormones include sex hormones."

There it was.

"As you probably know, testosterone is what gives me my manly physique." Professor Hongo posed like a bodybuilder. The students laughed. "Women, on the other hand, have higher amounts of estrogen."

Mai wanted to curl up into a little ball and roll away. It must have shown on her face, because Hiiro gave her a concerned look, but didn't say anything.

Mai didn't process the rest of the class. When everyone else got up and left, she followed suit. She walked to her next class on autopilot. Hopefully the genetics lesson would help her forget.

"Alright, everyone seated? Today, we'll be discussing sex chromosomes."

Goddammit.

  
  


* * *

  
  


When Mai and Hiiro arrived at Cafe Renaissance, Kiriya was waiting for them. Hiiro grumbled but sat at Kiriya's table. Mai sat next to Kiriya and leaned against him.

"Rough day?"

Mai nodded. Kiriya wrapped his arms around her.

"That's what boyfriends are for."

Mai appreciated the gesture, but the word "boyfriends" didn't help. It just reminded her that Kiriya thought that she was his boyfriend, too.

"Are you okay, Emu?"

Mai pulled away.

"I need to go, sorry. I'm not feeling well."

She raced out of the cafe while Kiriya called after her.

  
  


* * *

  
  


**CyberN1c0:** dang that sucks

 **MightyActionM:** yeah

 **CyberN1c0:** i know how it feels

 **CyberN1c0:** sry u gotta go thru this

 **MightyActionM:** thanks

 **CyberN1c0:** i think it helps to remember that theyre not misgendering u on purpose

 **CyberN1c0:** they just dont no

 **MightyActionM:** i know

 **CyberN1c0:** between when u crack and when u come out is tough

 **CyberN1c0:** but i believe in u

 **MightyActionM:** crack?

 **CyberN1c0:** yeah lol

 **CyberN1c0:** it means like

 **CyberN1c0:** realize ur trans

 **MightyActionM:** oh ok

  
  


Nico knew so much more about being trans than Mai. Hopefully she was right. Mai was still struggling to believe in herself.

  
  


**CyberN1c0:** o hey

 **CyberN1c0:** taiga said u met

 **CyberN1c0:** so ig ur in the area

 **MightyActionM:** you're near taiga?

 **CyberN1c0:** ye

 **CyberN1c0:** we should do somethin

 **CyberN1c0:** u wanna go 2 an arcade

 **MightyActionM:** that sounds fun

 **CyberN1c0:** invite ur friend ;)

Hanging out with Nico in person. Mai thought that would be good for her. Maybe she could learn something.

Maybe she could feel normal.


	16. People Game

The arcade was practically empty. Mai and Asuna quickly found Nico and Taiga playing Knock Out Fighter.

"Yes!" Nico shouted. "Eat my whole entire ass."

"Uh, hey," Mai said with a small wave.

"What's up, Mai?" Nico turned to face the newcomers. "You wanna be Mai or Emu?"

"Mai, please."

Nico took a step toward Asuna.

"And you must be Poppy."

"My real name is Asuna, actually."

"Pretty name."

Asuna blushed.

"I like yours, too."

"Thanks, I picked it myself."

Asuna giggled. Mai wasn't sure she'd ever heard Asuna make that exact sound before.

"I heard you like DoReMi?" Nico said.

"Um, yeah, I do."

"Wanna play?"

The two girls headed toward the DoReMiFa Beat machine. Taiga nodded to Mai.

"Hey."

"Hey."

That seemed to be the end of the conversation, so Mai decided to find a game. She settled on Ju Ju Burger.

She tried to relax as she stacked up sandwiches. No one knew her old name here. Barely anyone  _ was _ here, except for friends. Mai took a deep breath and tried to just let herself exist.

After a few rounds, she decided to go find Taiga. He was in a simulator cockpit playing Jet Combat. Mai watched over his shoulder as he shot down virtual fighter jets. After a moment, Taiga rose from his chair.

"Oh, hey, Mai."

"Hey, uh… Sorry. I don't have a lot of experience with the whole… trans thing. I'm kinda nervous."

"Oh, well yeah, that's fine. I get it. I mean, not really, but I know it's like, a whole thing, you know?"

"Yeah."

Taiga paused for a moment.

"You wanna play Dangerous Zombie?"

  
  


* * *

  
  


Mai caught Nico as she was walking across the arcade from one machine to another.

"Hey, can I… can I talk to you?"

"Yeah, what's up?"

"It's just… it's hard, you know? Being trans. Having this part of me, the real me, buried inside while everyone just sees a… facade."

"Oh, yeah, hey." Nico stepped close and put a hand on Mai's shoulder. "I know it's hard. It was hard for me, too. It'll be okay. I promise."

Mai wasn't sure how much she believed that, but it did help.

"Thanks."

"Do you wanna come out, or you think it won't go well?"

"Um… I don't know really. My roommate's kinda hard to figure out, but he's been okay about me dating a boy, I guess."

"That's good. Is your boyfriend cool?"

"He's nice, and gay or whatever obviously, but I'm still worried about how he'll react."

"So if it turns out he doesn't accept you, would you rather date a transphobe or find out and bail?"

"Uh? I guess I don't wanna date a transphobe…"

"Then I say tell him. It's your call, but I think it's worth it. Plus I got your back if he turns into a dick."

Mai smiled weakly.

"Thank you."

"Yeah, no problem. And if you want me to be there when you come out, I'm down for that, too."

"No, it should be the two of us I think. It's just scary, you know? I don't wanna lose him."

Nico hugged her.

"I know."

  
  


* * *

  
  


Mai held her phone and stared at Kiriya's contact. She'd returned from the arcade a few minutes ago, and was working up the courage to call. As long as she didn't open the box, the cat could still be alive. But she had to be brave.

She quickly pressed the call button before she could lose her nerve again. After a couple of rings, Kiriya picked up.

"Hey, babe."

"Hey, Kiriya. I was wondering… are you free soon?"


	17. On a Mission

Kiriya pulled up to Mai's dorm on his motorcycle once more.

"So, what did you have in mind?"

"Can we do something simple, like… maybe just get some food?"

"Sure thing, I know a place." Kiriya's habitual smirk faltered. "Is everything okay?"

"Yeah, yeah, it's fine. I just wanna hang and talk a little, you know?"

"Alright." He didn't seem entirely convinced.

Mai hopped on the bike and they sped away from the campus. She was used to riding with Kiriya by then, which freed up her mind to worry about the upcoming conversation. She still wasn't sure what to say, or if she would be able to say anything at all. She hoped she would know what to do when the moment came.

  
  


* * *

  
  


The two ate in a small park near the restaurant Kiriya had brought them to. Mai felt the distance between them as they tried to hold a conversation.

"How, um… how's the… work?"

"Wasn't too busy today. The place was dead."

Mai gave a dry laugh.

There was such a monumental difference between spending time with people who knew the real her and people who still saw Emu. Meeting Nico for the first time had been easier than being with her boyfriend in that moment. She knew there was only one way to fix it.

"Kiriya…"

"Yeah?"

"I have to tell you something."

Kiriya shifted on the bench, readying himself to receive the news.

"I, um…" Mai's heart was in her throat. The thought of finishing the sentence terrified her.

Kiriya patiently waited for her to continue. She had to do this.

"I'm a girl."

Kiriya looked at Mai for a moment, then wrapped his arms around her and caught her in a gentle kiss. Relief washed over her.

"Hey," Kiriya said after he broke away. "I want to be with you, no matter who you are."

"Mai. My name's Mai."

Kiriya smiled.

"I love you, Mai."

  
  


* * *

  
  


"He said what?"

"That he loves me." Mai savored the words on her lips. _He loves me._

"Wow." Asuna's mouth hung open.

"Yeah, it uh… it went pretty well."

"You could say that." Asuna looked up at the ceiling. "I…"

"Yeah?"

"I think I like your friend. Nico, not Taiga. Obviously. Not that I have anything against him, but… you know. Sorry, I'm rambling."

"No, no, it's okay." Mai smiled. "I think she likes you, too."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah, I think she made that pretty clear."

Asuna blushed and gave a small smile. Mai hugged her tightly.

"Thank you so much for being there for me. And… the dress and the show… You mean so much to me, and I want you to know that. None of this would have happened without you."

"You mean a lot to me, too."

"I think I wanna keep going. Like… coming out and stuff. I should tell Hiiro."

"You're sure?"

Mai nodded.

"I feel like… like I don't wanna keep hiding. And if I have problems with Hiiro or teachers or whatever, I think I have enough friends now. I think it'll be okay."

"I'm proud of you."

Mai nuzzled into the crook of Asuna's neck.

"I'm proud of you, too."

"What did I do?"

"I dunno, you seem different from when we met. More open. Plus you're gonna have a hot date when you call Nico."

Asuna lightly smacked the back of Mai's head and laughed.


	18. I'll Change My Fate

"Come on, Houjou."

Mai carried herself drowsily through her morning routine, hoping Hiiro wouldn't say… the other name.

Today. She was going to come out to him today.

Eventually.

  
  


* * *

  
  


Kiriya didn't come to the cafe that day. Hiiro sat across from Mai, studying intently. It would be a good time to do it. There were people around, but she needed to come out to everyone in the long term, right? It was the only way to be herself in public.

"Why are you staring at me?" Hiiro said without looking up.

"Uh, just… just bored. Sorry."

She would get there.

  
  


* * *

  
  


"Hey, um, could I talk to you about something?" Back in their dorm room, Mai approached Hiiro's desk cautiously.

"What is it?"

"Uh…"

"Yes?"

"Sorry, this is hard for me." She took a deep breath. "I'm… Mai. I mean, I'm transgender. My name is Mai. Please call me that."

Hiiro nodded slowly. Mai anxiously bit her lip.

"Do you remember the person I was dating last semester?"

"Yeah, Sa—"

Hiiro put a hand up.

"His name is Kaku."

"Oh. Oh!" Mai hadn't expected that. Did everyone already know a trans person except her?

"I may not completely understand… anything you do, but I will accept who you say you are."

Mai nodded, tears welling up in her eyes.

"If you need help with… a name change, or anything like that, I can assist you."

"Thank you."

Mai moved to hug Hiiro and he pushed her away.

"Stop that."

  
  


* * *

  
  


"I, uh, have some news."

"So do I."

"You go first." Mai gestured to Asuna.

"I…" Asuna sighed and rolled her eyes. "I have a date with Nico."

"Yes! I knew it. I'm happy for you."

"Thank you. What's your news?"

"I came out to Hiiro."

"Oh my god! How did it go?"

"It went really well. He said he'd help me with stuff, like paperwork or whatever I guess."

"Wow." Asuna embraced Mai. "You deserve this."

Mai felt tears coming again.

"Thank you."

  
  


* * *

  
  


**MightyActionM:** hey kiriya what's up?

**GiriGiriya:** Doing good, Mai

**GiriGiriya:** How are you, Mai?

**MightyActionM:** i'm good

**MightyActionM:** i came out to hiiro

**GiriGiriya:** Your roommate?

**GiriGiriya:** It went well?

**MightyActionM:** it did

**MightyActionM:** and now

**MightyActionM:** i wanna be out

**MightyActionM:** to everyone

**MightyActionM:** all the time

**MightyActionM:** so i guess just letting you know you have a girlfriend lol

**GiriGiriya:** That's great

**GiriGiriya:** I'll support you, Mai

**MightyActionM:** thanks

**GiriGiriya:** I love you, babe

**GiriGiriya:** And I can't wait for everyone to meet you

  
  


* * *

  
  


**MightyActionM:** i heard you have a date ;)

**CyberN1c0:** oh yeah just this hot babe u wouldnt no her

**MightyActionM:** lol

**CyberN1c0:** u out yet

**MightyActionM:** out to my roommate, working on the rest of the school

**MightyActionM:** and i guess my parents or whatever

**CyberN1c0:** u think ur parents will b cool

**MightyActionM:** i hope so

**MightyActionM:** i'm sure it will be hard sometimes

**MightyActionM:** but im so glad im a girl

**MightyActionM:** thank you so much

**CyberN1c0:** nbd

**CyberN1c0:** im just out here turnin ppl into other ppl

**CyberN1c0:** like unto a god

**MightyActionM:** all hail nico

**CyberN1c0:** thank u thank u

**CyberN1c0:** have i told u im proud of u

**MightyActionM:** you might have mentioned it

**CyberN1c0:** im proud of u

**MightyActionM:** thank you

**CyberN1c0:** here

**CyberN1c0:** u can use this to come out

  
  


She sent Mai a picture that said, "Yeah I'm TRANS," and then vertically, "Totally Radical And Not Sorry."

  
  


**MightyActionM:** uh yeah i'll do that

**CyberN1c0:** lol

**MightyActionM:** i love you

**CyberN1c0:** luv u

  
  


Mai shut down Paradox and took a deep breath. She had a life to start.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm planning on doing an epilogue after this and then we're done, gamers. Thanks for reading this far!


	19. True Ending

Mai brushed her hair out of her eyes as she walked to Cafe Renaissance. It was about shoulder length now and she was still trying to figure out how to manage it.

She had just finished her last final of the semester and she was looking forward to relaxing with her friends. Asuna and Nico had made a habit of joining Mai, Hiiro and Kiriya on occasion. Mai hoped they would be there today.

As she entered the cafe, she immediately noticed the crowded table. Not only were Asuna and Nico there, Taiga was there, too. Even Jungo, who was usually working at that time, was seated at the table.

On the table, in the middle of everyone, was a cake with a single candle.

"Hey! Mai!"

"She's here!"

"Congratulations, babe."

"Houjou."

"What…?" Mai said when the chorus of voices died down.

Asuna stood and hugged her.

"It's your first anniversary of starting hormones!"

"Happy tranniversary, Mai," Nico said.

Tranniversary? Mai hadn't heard that term before. She liked it.

"Oh, wow. I… I completely forgot. You guys, this…" Mai's eyes filled with tears. "This is really sweet."

She sat down next to Kiriya, who pulled her into a kiss.

"Okay!" Asuna said, clapping her hands. "Who wants to cut the cake?"

Hiiro produced a knife.

"I will perform the operation."

"You what?" Taiga asked.

Hiiro sliced the cake with intense concentration. The inside was striped pink, white and blue.

"Oh my god." Mai placed a hand over her mouth. "How did you… Who made this?"

"I did." Jungo raised his hand.

"Thank you so much! It's perfect."

The cake was delicious, and Mai was surrounded by friends. She let out a slow breath. She couldn't believe how much her life had changed in a year. She was a girl. A woman. Mai.

She took another bite of cake and smiled.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's done! I hope you liked it!
> 
> Mwah <3


End file.
